Barsexuality is the new black.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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