so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
