I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i was born a porn star she said
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
