I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
