I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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