just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
