My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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