so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
