I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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