and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
