Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
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