i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
