ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize