you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
