After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
