i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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