omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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