i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
