Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
he wants to bone in the snuggie
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
