i will never coherently bang her
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
