And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize