we have officially mastered the walk of shame
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize