u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
