Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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