1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
