i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
someone owes me an orgasm
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize