haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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