I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
