Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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