just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
