Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
