Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I love you. Go after that dick
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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