I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
