A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize