she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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