Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
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