I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
My feet surprised me
Randomize
