ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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