my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize