I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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