She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
