I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
