Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
