I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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