What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
