Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Randomize
