the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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