dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
