She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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