i jhust puked up my retainher.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize