You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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