No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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