There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
