Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
