Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
