its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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