Well apparently he's into motor boating.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
