I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
