Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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