It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
